The Modern Spirit

SpaceX was set to launch its first crewed shuttle to the International Space Station on Wednesday, but due to extreme weather conditions, the flight...

The Snowbirds are set to fly over Guelph tomorrow. Not the Canadian geese that flew to Florida with our grandparents back in January, but the...

So we're all stuck at home. That's okay. Here are 12 fun things to do - since we can't all go to the Winchester - while...

Johannah Sampson woke up at 4:00pm today. No alarm woke her, she rose with the afternoon sun. Something about the weather, and the fact she went...

Senator Bernie Sanders has suspended his campaign for Democratic presidential nominee. This move leaves Joe Biden as the sole contenders for the position, all but...

April is canceled this year. The emergence of the first global pandemic in decades has the world reeling. The last pandemic of this scale was not...

Laurie Bauman has not been tagged in any Instagram trends yet. The COVID-19 pandemic has encouraged the world to move business online. This includes socialization. Many...

CANADA - It's been quite a year so far. As the COVID-19 pandemic keeps up to a third of the world homebound, most are resigned...

After extensive polling and voter research scientists from the University of Guelph have determined that the year 2020 is "Not A Vibe." "Vibe" is the...

Cuisine is our special hobby here at The Modern Spirit. In this episode, our Editor-in-Chief makes a special sandwich that you can make at home. Ingredients: 4...

Clothing manufacturers are worried that the influx of Zoom and Skype meetings will soon mean the end of the pants industry. Due to the recent...

The newest internet fad is the Lick Things challenge on Tik Tok. Some challenges are good. The ice bucket challenge raised millions of dollars for...

Thousands of young people are now trapped in their homes. Many of these young people, specifically the white males, have been inspired by their access...

Josh Coleman is making decisions with a d20 these days, and he just rolled a natural 1. Just yesterday, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau asked Canadians...

COVID-19 has struck at the heart of Canada's youth. But instead of punishing them, students are about to experience what kids have dreamed about...

Damon Raleigh from Burlington, Ontario is bunkered down as he waits for this "whole thing to blow over." On Thursday afternoon, Raleigh reluctantly headed to...

Mexico has raised concerns about the Mexico/US border. Some in the Mexican government officials have suggested erecting a barricade along their northern border to keep...

The NBA, NHL, MLB, golf-things, the JUNOs, E3, and more have been CANCELED. Each of them holds the SHAME of hoping to host large crowds...

Rudy Gobert of the Utah Jazz has been preemptively awarded Defensive Player of the Year for canceling all NBA games in the foreseeable future. Gobert,...

Last year, The Beaverton wrote a piece about all the interesting facts you could learn about Andrew Scheer. We here at The Modern Spirit...

GUELPH - Climate change "realists" in Guelph will be letting their cars idle every day at noon between September 20th and 27th to protest...

“There is my friend” says the spider on the wall above Ricardo Thompson. Spider has fond memories of Ricardo from its first year of life....

New trend is taking the internet by storm. Ass-Earthers believe that the Earth has no face. Following the shocking trend of internet video’s radicalizing conspiracy...

In a new trend, vehicles that make sound at night are to use signal flags instead of horns. Guelph Paramedic and Fire Service staff are...

By: Jack Fisher In the fall of 2015 Rick Marlowe and Amanda Dawe were married on the front steps of Creelman Hall on the University...

By: Jack Fisher It is 2019. nineteen years after the Y2K virus was going to decimate our computers, eighteen years after 9/11, thirty-four years after...

By: Jack Fisher ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD (BUT SPECIFICALLY GUELPH RIGHT NOW) – Two Working Groups from the previous sub-Committee On Current Tasks have been...

By: Jack Fisher On April 25th, Early and late-rising Ontarion's woke up to the news that the Province of Ontario was cutting the 50 Million...

By: Jack Fisher Even after the municipal election, wherein he neutered his old council and weakened his mortal rival, John Tory’s, hold on City Council....

By: Jack Fisher “D’s get degrees” “most of the time anyway. At least that’s the common thought at The University of Guelph as students prepare...

By: Jack Fisher 4:00am – GUELPH – As the birds rise from their sleep and the newly fallen snow glistens in the first hints of...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH - In the summer of 2018, Red Top Taxi implemented it’s ETA texts. In addition to texting passengers with the cab...

By: Jack Fisher After a recent rash of racial based romps in America, the world has reached out to the country with a critical reminder;...

By: Jack Fisher Before Canada legalized marijuana in October, many of the older folk in the country warned us that the drug was as deadly...

By: Jack Fisher I was going to leave. I was. But then someone else came into the bathroom and I froze. Their shuffling feet, the way...

By: Jack Fisher SQUIRRELS! The mice of the trees. The furry friends of the most powerful Marvel superhero have overrun the University of Guelph campus. It started in...

By: Jack Fisher New research suggests that pizza is the ultimate super food. Considerations have been made for the fact that pizza can sometimes be rather...

As is the plight of many burgeoning bands, the band called TELEPON has had some problems recently finding a time to meet. “It’s worse than...

By: Jack Fisher The first case of the affliction that every middle-class mother in 2002 warned their children about has finally surfaced. Alfonso Copecino (Cope-eh-seen-oh),...

THEY MOVED THE SATELLITE!

By: Jack Fisher Make sure there's water If there's no water, find some. What do you mean there’s no water? Better find some, dude ...

By: Jack Fisher UNIVERSITY OF GUELPH – last week, while giving an address on the state of the school, Brenda Whiteside – VP of Student...

This past Wednesday the CSA hosted a sweet pizza party in PCH. Students started showing up around 5:30pm and continued to trickle in until just...

This week, the University of Guelph unveiled that they would be re-branding once again by adding the logos of companies that are helping the...

Earlier today, the University of Guelph's Board of Governors voted to withhold a decision to divest or continue investing in the fossil fuel industry....

By: Jack Fisher Jimmy Ferguson has been struggling with getting a whole bunch of things done for the last few weeks. He has to finish...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH – Louis Dreyfuss spent Wednesday night refreshing his Facebook feed making sure his friends knew that he was too busy doing...

By: Jack Fisher Last night around 8:00pm, Brass Taps suddenly went from a warm welcoming atmosphere to a bitterly cold (but somehow still welcoming) atmosphere....

By: Jack Fisher UNIVERSITY OF GUELPH - Monday evening, a class walked out following inappropriate comments made by the Anthropology professor Ed Hedican. Jay Newman...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH - A new study released by the department of political science at the University of Guelph found that, in a surprising...

Yeah, most likely Duh

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH - With the start of a new semester, many students hope that they will be able to change their lives around....

By: Jack Fisher OAKVILLE - Former Sheridan College student Jawnathawn Thompson's deviatART career has skyrocketed over the past few months. Thompson, who goes by the...

By: Jack Fisher As the holidays come to an end, it is important to look back at both the positives and negatives of the season....

By: Jack Fisher and Edward Willems GUELPH – Gabriel Potts is a typical university student… and a liar. This week, The Modern Spirit sent out a...

By: Jack Fisher WATERLOO – RIM (Research In Motion) has just released the first software package applicable to the human body. New Year New Me...

By: Wombat Squirrel OAKVILLE – Jack Fisher, a young Oakvillian man, has started a change.org petition to the world requesting that Canadians can hibernate...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH - Late Tuesday afternoon, the University of Guelph revealed that workers had been hard at work, working on removing working electronic...

By Jack Fisher This week, the big superhero franchise announced their new movie, All of The Heroes 1. This movie will definitely be a hit, since...

By: Jack Fisher The University of Guelph has decided to encourage students to “look on the bright side of life”. As of 2017, The University of...

By: Jack Fisher UNIVERSITY OF GUELPH – This winter, all stairs on the U of G campus will be closed for the winter. All of...

By: Jack Fisher Following yesterday’s senate meeting, the University of Guelph has decided to add yet another student representative to the senate that is already...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH – For a while now, the University Centre (UC) at the University of Guelph (U of G) has had choose-your-own-drink pop...

By: Jack Fisher Late this evening in a stand-off outside Menchies, Guelph Police were able to apprehend rouge student Danathan Jezlin as he consumed too...

By: Jack Fisher A press release, from just minutes ago, has brought some concerning details to light with regards to the vat of nuclear chemicals...

Tuesday Morning at 12:00pm, Danathan Jezlin – the student who fell into a vat of nuclear chemicals on Sunday afternoon – walked out of...

By: Jack Fisher For years, humanity has assumed that missing socks are the number one object abandoned to the winds of fate. However, recent information...

By: Jack Fisher The coffee shop in the University Centre, also the home of the Booster Juice, is getting a new name. Formerly known as...

By: Jack Fisher On Sunday, Nov. 19 2017, an accident at The University of Guelph left a student in critical condition. Danathan Jezlin fell into...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH – With December right around the corner, most people’s minds are starting to turn towards the holidays as they picture dancing...

By: Jack Fisher The Canadian Federation of Students (CFS) and the Canadian Federation of Students Ontario (CFS-O) have teamed up to give every University of...

By: Jack Fisher Yesterday evening, The CSA hosted a wild townhall in Brass Taps attended by a large portion of the student body, one hidden...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH - Looking up from Netflix just now, local student Jeremy Wayland realized that it was 2:30am. Last time Jeremy looked it...

SOME CONSTRUCTION WAS COMPLETED But some of it was done wrong

GUELPH - Following the creation and unveiling of the Gryphon statue on the corners of Gordon St and Stone Rd, The University of Guelph...

GUELPH – The local sports team celebrated today as they won the sports trophy for their efforts on the trackfield. Many athletes competed for both...

By: Jack Fisher In a new science report from the University of Guelph studying teen behaviours and motivations, it has become abundantly clear that teens...

By: Jack Fisher OTTAWA – Early this morning, the North American National Convention of Game (NANCG) declared the start of their open season. Yearly, with the...

By: Jack Fisher Following the popular I Am A Gryphon campagn, the Univerity of Guelp announced it's new campaign yesterday through an impressive guerrilla marketing...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH – This morning in a state of accomplishment, John Poisson smiled as he looked at his computer screen. On the display...

By: Jack Fisher It was a harrowing day for Jeanie Smithe. She woke up early in the morning with the intention of finishing an essay...

By: Jack Fisher Woah! Colleges in Ontario have decided to give their students a FOURTH reading week IN A ROW! This incredible decision obviously follows two other...

WELCOME TO THE MODERN SPIRIT's FIRST CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE! WE WILL TEST YOUR METTLE AND SEE WHAT YOU WOULD DO IF YOU WERE STRANDED...

By: Jack Fisher It's a circle, kinda. The kitchen and bathrooms really ruin the circular nature of the area. The Bullring is more like a...

By Jack Fisher Internationally, nationally, and locally, citizens of the planet Earth have made the voice of their majority audible "we want to be free...

By: Jack Fisher The University of Guelph is seriously considering a ban on all non-recyclable bottled products. This ban will probably extends to vending machines...

By: Jack Fisher Over by Gordon Street, next to the building with the beaver statue sits an old looking garage with a green pole. This...

In all seriousness. Although our bodies are full of funny (little) bones, The Modern Spirit would not be what it is today without the poetry and...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH - The neighbourhood that was in the eye of the Homecoming bonanza in September has submitted a formal application for the...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH - Following the city council meeting last month, Guelph has made the historic decision to make cyclists invulnerable. The new law will...

By: Jack Fisher ABERFOYLE - Anarchy took hold of the small local road just south of Guelph yesterday following a terrible accident. In an event where...

This is a step-by-step guide of different ways to get your water heated. At the end of the day, this is only a short list...

IT'S STILL GOING ON

By: Jack Fisher Following many long and fraught discussions about an increase in tuition, the University of Guelph has decided to take the high road...

By: Jack Fisher Today the College of Arts Student Union (CASU) (the only true student union on campus) decided that enough was enough with the...

By: Jack Fisher The Canadian Ladybug (North American Coccinella septempunctata) is rapidly disappearing. The insect, not previously endangered, has encountered a startling population drop in the...

By: Jack Fisher Today in a show of unprecedented support, the husband of Michelle LaVaughn Robinson-Obama took the podium outside of their shared home in...

By: Jack Fisher Following the horrific shooting in Las Vegas (EDIT Nov 5/17:Las Vegas) (EDIT2 Feb 14/18:Florida) this past weekend, guns rights activists have come...

By: Jack Fisher In a completely expected turn of events, the Heathens Abortion Clinic closed down on Wednesday after their 80th day with no patrons. Following...

By: Jack Fisher Freedom Mobile, Canada’s fourth largest mobile service provider offered incoming Syrian refugees free phones and two years of free phone service. The...

The College of Physical and Engineering Science has changed its name. Now referred to as CEPS (the College of Engineering and Physical Sciences) a stark...

By: Jack Fisher A research study done by local expert scientists at The Research University of Education (TRUE) recently revealed that we might have our...

By: Jack Fisher In a move that mirrors the student union, the University of Guelph has decided that only select professors will receive classroom space...

By: Jack Fisher This week during the first part of elections for various residence hall councils, students were held in their communal meeting spaces much...

YES

By: Jack Fisher There is a very important message hidden under the layers of complicated plot in the first installment of the Jurassic Park series. To...

From: Avid Movie-goer Just imagine, a person who, maybe because of allergies or some bizarre uninformed personal bias, goes to the movie theater and has...

By: Jack Fisher The ban follows a complaint registered by one Josh Jones. Jones currently lives in Lambton Hall and informed his RA that he...

By: Jack Fisher Local bartenders are waiting for you to finish your last drink and leave. One bartender, Lisa, said “C’mon , you’ve been here...

By: Jack Fisher A recent study suggests that automatic cars have the ability to learn the same way humans do. With new road tests being done...

The Snow Adoption Agency is under investigation about the deaths of children within some of its many properties. Basing its adoption practices on the popular...

By: Jack Fisher Renowned musician and former 90210 star Drake has purchased a residence in the Royal City. The popular artist, often referred to as “Drizzy”...

By: Jack Fisher Richard Dawes of Toronto, Ontario has lived on the street for fifteen years. He will move from shelter to shelter to bus...

By: Jack Fisher Ten years ago Martha Kubric was on a bus. While on the bus, Martha let rip one gigantic fart. Today, Martha woke...

By: Jack Fisher South Guelph has a new band, or, it would if they hadn’t allegedly formed four years ago. Moderate Fumigation formed in 2011,...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH - Brian and Carly Winker were up in arms yesterday. The Winker’s were the primary organizers of a small protest outside...

By: Jack Fisher Following the failure of the new Augmented Reality (AR) software at a recent press conference Apple will be renting Augmented Reality staff...

GUELPH - This week The University of Guelph will be changed forever. A new, impactful, initiative has landed on campus, but also mostly online. From today...

By: Jack Fisher It’s been a sad day for the residents of Millville today. Johnny Smith, the son of Mark and Katie Smith, was struck...

By: Jack Fisher LOS ANGELES - Shock today among the regulars of popular online poker site PokerMoon. For months now, fans of the site have...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH - Local Company LTD. is up in arms. Barb from accounting continuously takes nearly ten minutes every time she uses the...

By: Jack Fisher TORONTO - This morning, Carly Beaumont - self-titled visual artist and entrepreneurial Starbucks employee - snapped as she realized that her life...

By: Jack Fisher A recent study released by the University of Communication in Connecticut, Alberta says that Smart phones are stupid. Just really stupid. The study states...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH - When Russell Wrightman came to work this morning he encountered the brutal revelation that his chosen line of work may...