Apple forgoes iPhone 8 to offer new augmented reality personelle

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Tim Cook, Apple CEO

By: Jack Fisher

Following the failure of the new Augmented Reality (AR) software at a recent press conference Apple will be renting Augmented Reality staff monthly to customers for the same price as the new iPhone 8.

AR staff will accomplish tasks for the user as a replacement for the now-too-expensive phones Apple used to sell.

Tim Cook, Apple CEO, described some of the functions of the new staff saying “imagine someone wanted to go to the store for a nice bag of apricots. All they’ll need to do it tell their new staff member what they want and within minutes there will be a bag of apricots in their house.” Cook added “We’re working on other foods too, but for now we’ve only tested the system on bagged fruit.”

The staff are produced in the same factories where Apple used to make its iPhone product line. They’ve simply repurposed the people who built the phones to augment the reality of Apple users.

“It seems like it could be a human rights violation, sure” said one of the masterminds behind the new AR technology, “but if you think about it, these people are now being paid a wage higher than what they were originally making building iPhones and I think that’s swell.”

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