The Modern Spirit

SpaceX was set to launch its first crewed shuttle to the International Space Station on Wednesday, but due to extreme weather conditions, the flight...

The Snowbirds are set to fly over Guelph tomorrow. Not the Canadian geese that flew to Florida with our grandparents back in January, but the...

The staff at The Modern Spirit (Jack Fisher) support the message and passion of the OPIRG group, Fossil Free Guelph. While our entire purpose at...

Johannah Sampson woke up at 4:00pm today. No alarm woke her, she rose with the afternoon sun. Something about the weather, and the fact she went...

Senator Bernie Sanders has suspended his campaign for Democratic presidential nominee. This move leaves Joe Biden as the sole contenders for the position, all but...

April is canceled this year. The emergence of the first global pandemic in decades has the world reeling. The last pandemic of this scale was not...

CANADA - It's been quite a year so far. As the COVID-19 pandemic keeps up to a third of the world homebound, most are resigned...

After extensive polling and voter research scientists from the University of Guelph have determined that the year 2020 is "Not A Vibe." "Vibe" is the...

The newest internet fad is the Lick Things challenge on Tik Tok. Some challenges are good. The ice bucket challenge raised millions of dollars for...

COVID-19 has struck at the heart of Canada's youth. But instead of punishing them, students are about to experience what kids have dreamed about...

Damon Raleigh from Burlington, Ontario is bunkered down as he waits for this "whole thing to blow over." On Thursday afternoon, Raleigh reluctantly headed to...

Mexico has raised concerns about the Mexico/US border. Some in the Mexican government officials have suggested erecting a barricade along their northern border to keep...

The NBA, NHL, MLB, golf-things, the JUNOs, E3, and more have been CANCELED. Each of them holds the SHAME of hoping to host large crowds...

Rudy Gobert of the Utah Jazz has been preemptively awarded Defensive Player of the Year for canceling all NBA games in the foreseeable future. Gobert,...

Last year, The Beaverton wrote a piece about all the interesting facts you could learn about Andrew Scheer. We here at The Modern Spirit...

Let’s face it, that thing is creepy. And not like an “Annabelle: Creation” doll’s going to haunt you, or even a “Child’s Play” Chucky...

Are you strapped for cash and mere seconds from the inevitable hour of Christmas morning? Have you been up all night, pacing the floor,...

GUELPH. Earlier this week, local shoppers at Canadian Tire, Guelph, were blessed with the appearance of some sort of multimillionaire. The Discount Tree-Land situated...

GUELPH - The first documented occurrence of a millennial getting up and leaving on the first time they say they have to leave happened...

GUELPH - Over 2,000 students who were set to write midterm examinations and quizzes next week will now have to wait until further notice...

UNIVERSITY OF GUELPH - Mandated accommodations are now being set in place by professors for students following an error of dates in the survival...

A new attraction that was set to be revealed at Gryphon Park during homecoming weekend has gone horribly awry when a live gryphon escaped...

This week, thanks to an onslaught of interviews and pressing race themed questions, Jagmeet Singh has been in the spotlight to solve racism in...

September 20th, Nevada: Following an infectious online campaign for the god-given mandate to have sex with aliens to be fulfilled, millions of people showed...

GUELPH - Climate change "realists" in Guelph will be letting their cars idle every day at noon between September 20th and 27th to protest...

Voters all over Canada were shocked today by a photo of Justin Trudeau in blackface. None were as disappointed as Conservative voters, who are...

“There is my friend” says the spider on the wall above Ricardo Thompson. Spider has fond memories of Ricardo from its first year of life....

New trend is taking the internet by storm. Ass-Earthers believe that the Earth has no face. Following the shocking trend of internet video’s radicalizing conspiracy...

In a new trend, vehicles that make sound at night are to use signal flags instead of horns. Guelph Paramedic and Fire Service staff are...

By: Jack Fisher In the fall of 2015 Rick Marlowe and Amanda Dawe were married on the front steps of Creelman Hall on the University...

By: Jack Fisher ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD (BUT SPECIFICALLY GUELPH RIGHT NOW) – Two Working Groups from the previous sub-Committee On Current Tasks have been...

By: Jack Fisher On April 25th, Early and late-rising Ontarion's woke up to the news that the Province of Ontario was cutting the 50 Million...

By: Jarin Pintana An online, open source document that allows anyone to edit Federal policies has been created and will soon be accessible by anyone...

By: Jarin Pintana Iniya Deol was at sears this week when she encountered a strange dilemma. She was looking at the baby clothes, when the...

By: Jarin Pintana This week Guelph has seen a major recall on all orange juice with pulp. It’s been pulled from shelves city-wide in just...

By: Jarin Pintana At the start of 2018, the Tide Pod challenge became popular on social media sites. This lead to a series of bans...

By: Edward Willems GUELPH – Following the first year of the University of Guelph’s slogan, “Improving Life”, Student Housing Services on campus are implementing a...

By: Jarin Pintana Late last month, Gregory Boffen thought he had found his perfect match. “It really was too good to be true,” he stated,...

By: Jarin Pintana October 17th brought the legalization of weed in Canada, and with it an outstanding level of good old fashioned Canadian camaraderie. People...

By: Jarin Pintana Canada has had solid economic growth for the past few years. With the economy on solid footing, the labour market is thriving,...

By: Jack Fisher Even after the municipal election, wherein he neutered his old council and weakened his mortal rival, John Tory’s, hold on City Council....

By: Jack Fisher “D’s get degrees” “most of the time anyway. At least that’s the common thought at The University of Guelph as students prepare...

By: Jack Fisher 4:00am – GUELPH – As the birds rise from their sleep and the newly fallen snow glistens in the first hints of...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH - In the summer of 2018, Red Top Taxi implemented it’s ETA texts. In addition to texting passengers with the cab...

By: Jarin Pintana The simple answer is yes. Plant research has already shown that plants are sentient. They have varied responses to stimuli such as...

By: Jack Fisher After a recent rash of racial based romps in America, the world has reached out to the country with a critical reminder;...

By: Jack Fisher Before Canada legalized marijuana in October, many of the older folk in the country warned us that the drug was as deadly...

By: Jack Fisher I was going to leave. I was. But then someone else came into the bathroom and I froze. Their shuffling feet, the way...

By: Jack Fisher SQUIRRELS! The mice of the trees. The furry friends of the most powerful Marvel superhero have overrun the University of Guelph campus. It started in...

By: Jack Fisher New research suggests that pizza is the ultimate super food. Considerations have been made for the fact that pizza can sometimes be rather...

By: Jack Fisher The first case of the affliction that every middle-class mother in 2002 warned their children about has finally surfaced. Alfonso Copecino (Cope-eh-seen-oh),...

By: Oren Bowes If there is one thing that University of Guelph students and faculty care about, it’s the quality of their door stops. The Modern...

By: Jarin Pintana Canada’s hottest brunch trend has taken people by storm. It’s been described as “the most brilliantly obvious idea since avocados on toast,...

By: Jarin Pintana Recently there has been a lot of press surrounding a student petition to change the Gryphon logo, to a cow. Sources say...

Candidates for the CSA 2018 General Election gathered in the University Center on Thursday for a contentious and poorly arranged all candidates forum about...

By: Edward Willems GUELPH – Nearly a year has passed since the first, disastrous Build-A-Band competition, created by the College of Arts Student Union (CASU),...

By: Nolan Wadsworth GUELPH BUT ALSO ANTARCTICA: Studies have shown that the very fabric of reality as we understand it might be far from...

By: Nolan Wadsworth GUELPH - The question that has been on everyone's mind resurfaces. People around the world have been asking this. Nobody knows. An...

Interviewer: Nolan Wadsworth   "Hockey, Figure skating, the one with the big puck and you have to throw it. That's a cool one." - Sam          "Smoking a...

Interviewer: Nolan Wadsworth "Every time I eat a Yellow M&M I feel a sense of accomplishment, as my lobster claws make it pretty much impossible...

By: Alexander Boyle Are you disgusted by weird textures in your mouth? Whether it is so squishy and slimy that you feel like it’s about...

By: Jack Fisher Make sure there's water If there's no water, find some. What do you mean there’s no water? Better find some, dude ...

By: Jack Fisher UNIVERSITY OF GUELPH – last week, while giving an address on the state of the school, Brenda Whiteside – VP of Student...

This past Wednesday the CSA hosted a sweet pizza party in PCH. Students started showing up around 5:30pm and continued to trickle in until just...

By: Nolan Wadsworth GUELPH – In a dramatic turn of events, Bob Tulap, regional director of Guelph Transit has announced that the controversial public service...

By: Wolan Nadsworth GUELPH – The Colonel who leads an army of gophers underneath the Guelph University campus have struck a proverbial gold mine underneath...

By: Corben Grant Campus Police on Monday announced the capture of one of the University of Guelph’s most wanted fugitives. 22 year old Anthony Vegas,...

From: Concerned Citizen Guelph Transit has recently landed itself in a bit of a pickle. Most recently, there were the bus signs that were in-line...

By: Nolan Wadsworth GUELPH - Reports from the field indicated that Wesley Dickerson, third year commerce student and self-identified "social media influencer" got a haircut....

This week, the University of Guelph unveiled that they would be re-branding once again by adding the logos of companies that are helping the...

By: Edward Willems GUELPH– Many students participating in their weekly Social Deviance lecture were surprised and excited when their professor, Dr. Parnaby, announced that he...

Earlier today, the University of Guelph's Board of Governors voted to withhold a decision to divest or continue investing in the fossil fuel industry....

By: Nolan Wadsworth GUELPH - The University of Guelph experienced a massive environmental disaster yesterday and not a single person noticed, except for Gaius Frogerson...

By: Calder Schweitzer OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced in a press conference today that Canada is in the process of adopting a new...

By: Edward Willems GUELPH – Emerging from her almost twenty minute trek through the perilous trails of the Guelph Arboretum, local student Amy Tachikawa was...

By: Calder Schweitzer GUELPH – Hospitality Services has announced today that it will be retiring the student favourite 100 Mile Grille in Creelman hall in...

By: Jack Fisher Jimmy Ferguson has been struggling with getting a whole bunch of things done for the last few weeks. He has to finish...

By: Calder Schweitzer The University of Guelph has a plethora of majors to choose from, offered by a variety of unique colleges and faculties. Asking...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH – Louis Dreyfuss spent Wednesday night refreshing his Facebook feed making sure his friends knew that he was too busy doing...

By: Jack Fisher Last night around 8:00pm, Brass Taps suddenly went from a warm welcoming atmosphere to a bitterly cold (but somehow still welcoming) atmosphere....

From: Edward Willems GUELPH – Okay, I know how this sounds, but you gotta believe me. I SAW the Gryphon blink. You know, the big...

By: Jack Fisher UNIVERSITY OF GUELPH - Monday evening, a class walked out following inappropriate comments made by the Anthropology professor Ed Hedican. Jay Newman...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH - A new study released by the department of political science at the University of Guelph found that, in a surprising...

By: Asa Coleman The North American House Hippo, once brought to public attention by the venerable Hinterland Who’s Who, has recently been classified by the...

By: Edward Willems GUELPH – Students at the University of Guelph were thrilled at the sight of a gorgeous golden retriever making its way across...

By: Nolan Wadsworth GUELPH - Johnata Malkovich, a third year Political Science Major has informed the world via a picture of a note she wrote...

By: Edward Willems GUELPH – University of Guelph students are notorious for their lack of free time, and any second wasted could cost someone up...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH - With the start of a new semester, many students hope that they will be able to change their lives around....

By: Nolan Wadsworth BREAKING NEWS!! I’ve seen the dog! You know, THE dog. He's a good boy, maybe even the best boy. I saw him right...

By: Edward Willems GUELPH – Visitors at the Zavitz Gallery on the University of Guelph campus were shocked to discover empty walls at the exhibition...

By Jarin Pintana Recently, Guelph transit removed bus schedules at bus stops; they were replaced with a phone number which can be called for the...

By: Edward Willems GUELPH – Local student Jordan Hoult marched through downtown Guelph last Thursday on a quest of fierce bravery and fortitude, only to...

By: Jack Fisher As the holidays come to an end, it is important to look back at both the positives and negatives of the season....

By: Jack Fisher and Edward Willems GUELPH – Gabriel Potts is a typical university student… and a liar. This week, The Modern Spirit sent out a...

By: Jack Fisher WATERLOO – RIM (Research In Motion) has just released the first software package applicable to the human body. New Year New Me...

By: Wombat Squirrel OAKVILLE – Jack Fisher, a young Oakvillian man, has started a change.org petition to the world requesting that Canadians can hibernate...

By: Jack Fisher GUELPH - Late Tuesday afternoon, the University of Guelph revealed that workers had been hard at work, working on removing working electronic...

By: Nolan Wadsworth HAMILTON – “And then he jumps in with his lightsaber and cuts its head off! BAM”. Dave, local Star Wars Fanboy recounts...

By: Calder Schweitzer GUELPH – Archaeologists working on an excavation project in Creelman Hall last week uncovered something truly remarkable – a fork: completely unbent,...