By: Jarin Pintana
The simple answer is yes. Plant research has already shown that plants are sentient. They have varied responses to stimuli such as water, sunlight, and even insects. Some studies have claimed that the smell of freshly cut greenery is in fact a chemical distress call likened to a scream of pain. This even goes as far as to say that plants can hear when they are being eaten or harvested and respond accordingly with defense mechanisms.
Although plants don’t have brains or a central nervous system and therefore can’t form emotions, groundbreaking research has shown that there is one exception- Craisins. Not only are Craisins sentient, they’ve got an attitude. In a recent study, scientists at the The Redundancy University of Redundancy described the so called “screams” from Craisins as, “rude, opinionated and occasionally downright mean”.
Experimental data from this study revealed that Craisins aren’t just aware, they’re judgmental.
When asked what they thought of the study the Craisins responded, “don’t you idiots have anything better to do, it’s no wonder global warming is going to kill us all”.
One scientist mentioned that the Craisins also have a tendency to make obscene comments about ones mother that of which she would prefer not to repeat.
Although this news is disturbing, it likely will have very little impact on anything as it can be simply resolved by eating Craisins.