Man gets nothing done despite writing a to-do list

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By: Jack Fisher

Jimmy Ferguson has been struggling with getting a whole bunch of things done for the last few weeks. He has to finish some school homework, a small side project, data entry for his volunteer job, a list of activities for a second volunteer role, and attending all of his work hours at the local bar.

The first bit of Ferguson’s list was very realistic “brush your teeth,” and “wear your retainer.”

However Jimmy was definitely on LSD as he was making his list and other items were things like “finish your screenplay,” “write more stand-up jokes,” “find a new gene,” “go to class,” “make sure you tell your roommate to vacuum the staircase,” and “visit every store-owner in town to get them to pay you for writing funny jokes.” All of which are ridiculously unreasonable for only one person.

Unfortunately, although Ferguson wrote down his to-do list, by the end of the last week, he still hasn’t completed the bits of stuff he meant to. It seems like Ferguson may be folding to the normal student issue of “not finishing things that are listed on the post-it-note-you-wrote-this-morning” (a chronic potentially inebriating problem encountered by students worldwide)

Let’s get a “fuck yeah” for Jimmy this week as he tries again with at least 18 more things on his list this time around

Although he is currently sitting in a Second Cup, there’s no way he’s getting anything done today.

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