By: Jack Fisher
WATERLOO – RIM (Research In Motion) has just released the first software package applicable to the human body. New Year New Me (NYNM) allows you to re-roll the variables that determine your personality by shocking your brain in millions of atomic spots.
“NYNM will allow people full freedom to choose how they act around others” said RIM spokesperson Roger Black, “I mean, it’s even a good gift for that friend you don’t like all that much, but you still have to hang around.”
New Year New Me is a single use product that, once programmed by the user, will alter specific personality traits that dictate how you interact with people. The small box is tied onto your wrist like a watch and then a microchip is gently shoved into the spinal cord just below the skull.
Upon release the NYNM (also pronounced Nyn-um) will cost just $8,699. The company hopes they can lower the cost in the future, but the current lack of insurance and the unpredictability of results will be keeping the cost exorbitantly high.
“I bought one for one of my friends and plugged it in while he was sleeping” said Sydney Shoehorn, “it worked like a charm! He went from being super creepy to just fun to hang out with.”
NYNM arrived just in time for the literal new year, and customer reviews have been nothing but positive so far.
You can purchase a NYNM module on the RIM website. Just follow this link: https://tinyurl.com/rimnynm
Disclaimer: The Modern Spirit is in no way responsible for any personality changes that may occur after using this product. Any and all changes are listed as permanent and are currently irreversible. Please treat the New You responsibly.