By: Nolan Wadsworth
GUELPH – Keith Richards, no relation to Keith Richards the legendary guitar player, was reported wearing plaid shirts multiple days in a row by his close friends and family.
Witnesses on the scene report Richards, a 2nd year Philosophy major, was donning a pair of cowboy boots from Valu Village and indulging in chew tobacco. “I just never thought my son would turn out like this. I talked to him just before he went to this bar called the Ranch. He hasn’t been the same since”, said Kelly Richards, who coincidentally had his last name but was indeed not related or even knew of Keith.
We have sent multiple interns to the Ranch to uncover the truth, but they returned suggesting they were going to switch their majors to something in the Ontario Agricultural College. They were promptly fired. If anyone has any answers to this mystery, please stop throwing cow pies at our door.