Student realizes that it is too late to be awake

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By: Jack Fisher

GUELPH – Looking up from Netflix just now, local student Jeremy Wayland realized that it was 2:30am. Last time Jeremy looked it was 11:00pm and there was still definitely enough time to finish that paper for history class.

Earlier in the day, Jeremy promised his good friends that, “no, of course he wouldn’t be up that late again” and would be in bed at a reasonable time.

“Next time I’m definitely starting earlier.”

Shockingly, Jeremy decided at midnight that just one more episode of Riverdale would be just the thing to help him get through the rest of this essay about the French Revolution or the Spanish Inquisition or something.

The nerve-wracking pearly-white glow of the untouched Microsoft Word document seems to be what sparked Jeremy’s relapse into Netflix watching.

Yesterday, after seeing his friends for lunch – and then a quick game of frisbee – Jeremy purchased the new Battlefront II. Since the essay was due two days later, he obviously had enough time to spend all night playing it.

Now, at 3:00am, Jeremy is regretting wasting all that time. “If only I had started the essay last week, at least I’d have enough research now to finish off those last five or six hundred words” he lamented. “Next time I’m definitely starting earlier.”

At the time of writing, Jeremy has fallen asleep for a quick 30 minute nap so he can wake up and finish the essay before his 8:30am class.

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