Students yearn for time when clowns were the only problem


Dispatch from Guelph: 2034

Seventh Year Student Mark Hoppus, no relation told the Modern Spirit in an exclusive interview that he and his friends were talking about how they were nostalgic for the past. Mark highlighted that he grew tired of fighting the deadly gangs that controlled the flow of water to his town and wished that he could return to a simpler time when the Wastelands were known as Wellington County.

He told Road Warrior/ Journalist Grog Meatman of Tribe Blue that he often dreamed about the year 2016, when the precursors to the Clown Gang that focuses on emphasizing human suffering roamed the streets. “It was just after the election of Warlord Chief Trump in the southern conclave that we saw a rise in Clown activity. Times were much simpler back then. I only had to worry about the horrors of free roaming clowns, and buying my daily meals rather than hunting in a radiated desert waste”

Maybe Mark was right and the world was easier in 2016 with a clown menace, if only the great cow-tariff war of 2024 had not ended the way it did during Trump’s third official term. Alas…


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