bY: cALDER sCHWEITZER
guelph – fIELD REPORTERS FOR tHE mODERN sPIRIT ARE CURRENTLY INFORMING ME THAT MY CAPS-LOCK KEY HAS BEEN BROKEN, CAUSING ME TO TYPE EVERYTHING IN TOGGLE CASE. tHEY HAVE SAID THAT EVERYTHING i TYPE SEEMS EXCESSIVELY AGGRESSIVE, AND THAT IT KIND OF MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL.
aCCORDING TO EYEWITNESS ACCOUNTS, THIS BROKENNESS OF MY CAPS-LOCK KEY IS CAUSING UNREST IN MANY PEOPLE, INCLUDING THE GOOD READERS OF THIS FINE PAPER, THE PROFESSORS WHO ARE GRADING MY ASSIGNMENTS, AND THE GUY LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER IN CLASS TRYING TO SEE WHAT i’VE TYPED OUT.
i’VE BEEN INFORMED THAT A PROFESSIONAL JOURNALIST SUCH AS MYSELF SHOULD REALLY GET A HANDLE ON SUCH AN OBVIOUS PROBLEM. tO THAT, i HAVE TWO THINGS TO SAY. 1, LAPTOP REPAIR IS EXPENSIVE, AND 2, THANK YOU FOR BEING SO IMPRESSED THAT YOU THINK i DO THIS PROFESSIONALLY.
tHE mODERN sPIRIT IS COMMITTED TO HAVING THE GREATEST IMPACT AND WILL BE SURE TO KEEP YOU UPDATED ON THE STATUS OF MY CAPS-LOCK KEY. pLEASE, BE INFORMED THAT WE ARE CURRENTLY DOING EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER TO REMEDY THE SITUATION AND RETURN MY TYPING TO ITS PREVIOUS STATE. wE ASK THAT OUR READERS STAY STRONG AND BEAR WITH US IN THIS TIME OF CRISIS.
