GUELPH – For a solid five minutes, the light fluffy flakes of snow descended on the quiet campus at the University of Guelph. Beauty and splendor were abound as the ground turned white and tracked the paths of cuddly squirrels frolicking across the picturesque Johnston Green. Rooftops were gently blanketed and trees were dusted with the soft touch of frost. The cold campus was serene and beautiful to any and all who viewed it.
The gentle wonderland created by the cold was immediately reminded of the horrible results of global warming, and the beautiful snow melted instantly. Within seconds, the soft ground absorbed the snow water and turned to sticky mud. Steps and ramps on Winegard Walk were covered with slippery slush, making them dangerous areas for students. Water careened off of rooftops and onto the heads of passerby. Ravenous squirrels with wet, matted fur ran after each other, fighting for any scrap of food available. Students were reported as feeling cold, wet, and unhappy. And it would seem like nature felt the same.
Incredibly, the next day, the weather realized that global warming doesn’t mean it has to be warm. A torrential downpour of slush and snow was unleashed upon the world, creating a state of consistent un-comfortableness that is projected to last until winter ends in March, or April… or July.