By: Nolan Wadsworth
Guelph – Local artist Carly Beaumont, after contemplating her career as a graphic-tee artist over a coffee recently told the Modern Spirit in a follow-up interview/check-in that she has abandoned all hope and seeking the illumination of L. Ron Hubbard and assumingly some [weird tentacle shit] according to our resident expert on scientology, a pint/life size Tom Cruise doll made from cat hair.
In the wake of the news of Scientology purchasing The Baker Street Centre downtown Guelph, local students have formed a large mob outside of the new headquarters of the religious operation in Canada. To their surprise the building had completely vanished from sight, only to be replaced by a pair of well dressed individuals with cold dead eyes handing out pamphlets to select individuals in the crowd.
Carly Beaumont, the recipient of a pamphlet described the figures to be “quite charming and oddly good-looking for a scientologist”. She then reports that 40 Baker Street suddenly became visible to her and only her. Obviously, some force fields have been deployed, obscuring the building to non-believers.
Carly’s roommate, 719xy-ze=107b, a famous engineer on campus, disclosed that Carly has seemed generally more content since she attended the rally. She commonly refers to attending vague sessions downtown with her “family”. Mr. Beaumont Sr. died tragically in a tragic Lego accident many years ago.
We have not heard from Carly since she started wearing nice polo shirts and the look in her eye changed to something more sinister and dark than we can fathom.