Is it Wednesday, or Sunday? Who cares?


Johannah Sampson woke up at 4:00pm today.

No alarm woke her, she rose with the afternoon sun.

Something about the weather, and the fact she went to bed at 6:30am, kept her in bed longer than usual.

“I think it’s because it’s snowing in April,” said Sampson on a zoom call. “Or, you know, maybe it’s cause it’s Thursday.”

When asked why she thought it was Thursday on what is obviously a Tuesday kind of clock, she said, “Oh man, really you could tell me its any day and I’d believe you.”

Johannah is not alone. Many people are finding it harder to tell the difference between a weekend and a weekday, leading some people to the conclusion that we shouldn’t have days anyway.

“What’s a day really?” said Jacob Innis. “It’s just an imaginary structure of the fourth dimension that we impose on ourselves to fuel productivity and consumption.”

Innis is a radical Facebook meme king who does not believe in the 9-5 work day.

“We’re doing just fine working from home. Waking up when we have to and getting done what we need to,” Innis said. “Why do we have to push ourselves so hard all the time when we can live within our means?”

Sleep experts from the University of Uhnkonsioux (UoU) in Northern Finland agree that people could probably still count the days if they just watched the sun.

“We’ve found that the sun does rise in the sky roughly once a day depending on how close you live to the poles,” said Dr. Aimso Tyrehd. “We think, based on our research, that the standard work-day probably doesn’t make people more productive, but our results are inconclusive.”

When asked what day of the week he thought it was, Dr. Tyrehd said it was “Uyhbrakeeeengupe Day” which we think is something Finnish.


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