By: Edward Willems

GUELPH – Following the first year of the University of Guelph’s slogan, “Improving Life”, Student Housing Services on campus are implementing a series of new drills in order to prepare on-campus students for any life-threatening eventuality.

New emergency procedures have been outlined in a proposal presented to the University on Monday. Among the proposed drills on the so called “Chicken Little Document” are; Tsunami alert, Viking Invasion, Asteroid Belt, and Cthulhuan End-Times.

Many students and parents are questioning the necessity of a “Squirrel and/or Canada Goose Team-up attack” drill, but Student Housing Services at the U of G are determined to be prepared for anything to keep students – and valuable property – safe.

As well as new evacuation routes, these drills have also created defensive barriers, emergency-only cases of samurai-grade armor, and electrified spider webs that release squirrel pheromones.

Better safe than sorry!


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