By Jarin Pintana

Recently, Guelph transit removed bus schedules at bus stops; they were replaced with a phone number which can be called for the arrival times of the buses. Unfortunately, there was an immensely negative response, specifically from freezing students caught trying to dial the phone number in -20 degree weather. In light of this backlash, Guelph transit has decided to move to using telepathy.

The idea involves a new telepathic communications centre now located at the bus loop in downtown Guelph. This facility projects telepathic waves which can be received by people waiting at any of the bus stops in the city. A Guelph Transit representative said, “It is thought. Cutting out any form of written or verbal communication is the logical next step to improve bus services”.

Some kinks are still being worked out as the telepathic signals originally were found to interfere with bird migrations patterns. A flock of geese was seen circulating the Route 6 Harvard Ironwood loop for several hours. This glitch has since been resolved and the geese have received compensation from the city.

As telepathy does not always come easy to all, they city will be offering courses in mind reading and thought transfer in order to troubleshoot any foreseeable technical issues.

Guelph is the first city using this cutting edge technology but it is expected to be picked up by surrounding cities toward the end of 2018. If this initiative is successful, the University has disclosed that they will consider offering telepathic classes.


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