By: Nolan Wadsworth

GUELPH – A recent study out of the University of Guelph’s Department of Stuff Studies found evidence that suggests everyone dies at the hands of Timmy, the literal spawn of all that is unholy.

Be it from old age or a car accident, our last moments always have Timmy’s tiny little child hands in them. In an exclusive interview Timmy told The Modern Spirit that he’s not evil, but rather just a regular everyday kid dedicated to ensuring at our final moments we truly feel alone in the universe; reminding us that any afterlife we sought after is nothing more than just ceaseless void.

We at The Modern Spirit encourage our audience to not lose sight of what is important this Hallowe’en! Timmy might be responsible for all of our demise but as long as you can dress up as a sexy table, the eventual and eternal nothingness doesn’t seem so bad now does it?


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