By: Nolan Wadsworth
GUELPH – Reports from the field indicated that Wesley Dickerson, third year commerce student and self-identified “social media influencer” got a haircut. It’s a solid haircut; nice and trim. It really highlights his naturally rigid facial structure and complements the shape of his head.
All was well for Wesley, until he spent an entire day on campus, meeting with various acquaintances. Not a single person made a remark about how good he was looking today. The outfit he put on in the morning was carefully considered to go with the new look. Connor, the 4th year Agriculture student, most famous for the ‘incident’ that we’ve all been forbidden to talk about except for vague references to the ‘incident’, spent 45 minutes between classes with Wesley. Not once was the new haircut mentioned. Tragic.
Wesley indicated in the daily mandatory student survey that he didn’t really have that many close and trusted friends, but was still hurt by the fact that despite his natural distance from any meaningful interaction with anyone ever, no one noticed any changes about him.